“The Noises on Oak Street”
It was like every other Halloween on Oak Street, but there were always different costumes, different candy, and different people. There was only one thing the same on that Halloween the abandoned house oak street. There were always weird sounds coming from the house and this year Ryan and his friends Derek and Fred want to find out what it is.
“Is everyone ready?” said Ryan. “Yep” said Derek and Fred nervously. They were all nervous but they knew what they had to do. Ryan and his friends took the wood of the door because the whole house was boarded up because no has lived there for a number of years. “Ok here we go,” said Ryan as he opened the door. When they peaked in they saw basically nothing the whole bottom floor of the house was empty. So they went towards the stairs. As they were going up the stairs they heard somebody in one of the rooms. It sounded like they were laughing. They walked in the room where they heard the laughter and they saw nothing just an empty plain room. They turned around to go look at the rest of the house and they saw some guy dressed up as a clown but they couldn’t see his face.
“AHHH” yelled Derek. Derek screamed like a baby. “Who are you?” asked Ryan. He did not answer. The clown started to walk towards Fred. “NO” screamed Fred at the top of his lungs. The guy pulled out a knife and continued walking towards Fred. Ryan and Derek jetted out of the room like criminals running away from the cops. They heard Fred’s screams as they ran to Ryan’s house. They knew when they heard that the screaming stopped that he had been killed.
They ran into Ryan’s house and Ryan yelled “Mom”. “What is wrong Ryan?” asked Ryan’s Mom. Fred is dead. We went into the abandoned house on Oak Street because we heard sounds coming from the house and we went up stairs inside the house because that’s where the sounds were coming from and a guy with clown make up on stabbed Fred to death.” “ Ok I will call the cops and Ryan lock all the doors,” said Ryan’s Mom. “Ok” said Ryan as he ran to all of the doors.
The swat team went into the house to search for the killer but they’re nothing it looked exactly the same as when the boys went into the house. They couldn’t find the guy with the clown make up on. They couldn’t even find Fred’s dead body. There wasn’t even a spec of blood on the floors.” Ryan!” Derek said. “Yes Derek?” Ryan replied. “ Lets make a pact to never go into that house alone ever again”. Said Derek. "But, Derek we have to kill the clown or we’ll be scared for the rest of our lives.” said Ryan. "Ok lets go right now and bring a knife with you.” said Derek. Ryan held the knife as they crept towards the house.
As they walked in they saw nothing just like the last time. " Ryan lets go check in the same room as last time" said Derek. "Ok lets go,” said Derek. As they were walking up the stairs they heard footsteps behind them as they turned around they saw him and he had Fred's head in his hand. As the clown dropped the head he started to go after Derek. As Derek fought him off, Ryan stabbed the clown right in the eye. Blood was gushing everywhere. "I’m going to make sure he is dead for good,” said Ryan while stabbing the clown several times. The boys took his body and threw it in a near by lake and took off home. They never heard those sounds ever again.
Monday, November 06, 2006
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6 comments:
You were doing really well until the clown attacked--more detail and emotion needed! Clowns terrify a lot of people, so you have a chance to make this one petrify your readers.
I also feel like you cut the story short. Maybe they can't find Clownie or the murdered kid, but then they see him roaming the streets? Hmmmm....just as idea.
Overall, great concept and nice job. Work on scaring me a little more, though!
:)
GREAT WORk!
I liked the idea that you used somtething that alot of people are scared of. I also liked that you used snynonums to the word said instead of saying it over and over again.
i think that the story was great untill the end i think there should be more action with the clown and not just that one scene. but i like how you choose a clown as the murderer
i liked the story intill the end because you need more action when then clown aperas. you also should put the clown in other seens not just one.
i like this ending because it has alot more action and it lets you know what happened to the clown rather then you just saying lets make a pact not to go in there. i like how you said what you did with the body and how you included him having freds head.
Clowns scare me pretty badly and i thought it was good
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